I’m here to confess: I have a total crush on Bill Hader. A big one. I have since he first started on SNL, and movies like The Skeleton Twins and Trainwreck just sealed the deal. He’s adorable, hilariously-funny, has a great smile, is a phenomenal actor, seems to be genuinely nice, and he loves his wife and kids (THE HOTTEST PART!)
I keep Trainwreck on my DVR just for the ending.
(Wait…it’s not a spoiler alert if the movie has been out a year, is it? Oh well, maybe so – SPOILER ALERT!)
If I’m feeling sad or like love will never be in my life again, I just go to the last 10 minutes of Trainwreck and watch Bill Hader’s face when he realizes Amy (Amy Schumer) is attempting to dance (badly and adorably) with the Knicks City Dancers to his favorite song, Uptown Girl by Billy Joel. I mean come on. COME. ON. In four seconds, Hader’s face conveys a guy who is in love with this girl but, just in that moment, he falls in love with her all over again. Makes me weepy every single time. I have been known to watch it 20 times in a row. And I’m not even a chick who likes rom coms! I’d rather watch Alien or Raiders of the Lost Ark any day, but if Hader is involved? I’m in.
“Okay, whatever! This is getting WEIRD!”
Hang with me, here. I confess this because I have recently realized a real trend towards this kind of guy over my entire life. I remember walking out of 16 Candles as a young teen and thinking how much I would have gone for Anthony Michael Hall’s character far more than Jake Ryan (and have you seen Anthony Michael Hall as an adult? HELLO!!) After Ghostbusters, I was totally crushing on Bill Murray.
Then Moonlighting came along, and I’m pretty sure I was the only 15-year-old girl at school who was going on and on about Bruce Willis instead of Rob Lowe. I know Willis is kind of the normal ideal of the “hot guy” now, and most women instantly point out Die Hard, but it was Moonlighting’s David Addison that sold me instantly. His sense of humor, sincerity and awkward adorableness just made me fall in love with him over and over, week after week.
How about Andy Samberg? Yes, please. Jimmy Fallon? And I don’t mean The Tonight Show Fallon. I mean SNL’s Nick Burns, Your Company’s Computer Guy “Fallon.” Don’t even get me started on Chris Pratt, whom I swooned over when he was adorably-chunky on Parks and Rec, long before he buffed out for Guardians of the Galaxy.
And now here I am. Considering entering the dating world again, and I’m wondering how the hell I’m going to find the sweet, hilarious, adorably-awkward, slightly-nerdy guy I am apparently attracted to. I also had a shocking and kind of nauseating realization that my soon-to-be-ex-husband was none of these things. He was the tall, hot, macho, “I-will kick-that-guy’s-ass,” moody-but-often-funny, angry, verbally-abusive type. Basically the opposite of what I have just described and pretty damn close to my father. Ouch.
But now that I know all this, it’s hard to believe the type of guys I’m describing aren’t all taken, especially at my age. Have you looked at a dating site lately? Well that’s a blog post for another day, but trust me, I wanted to scrub my brain with bleach after an hour of perusing Match.com. I couldn’t take one more bullet-pointed list of “female requirements” from a guy who has no neck and lists his hobbies as carb loading and naked windsurfing. Jesus.
Wait, they don’t have a dating app for my kind of guy, do they? The last time I went on a date, you got asked out using touch-tone phones and actual social interaction, so I’m just figuring out this dating app stuff. AdorablyFunnyDudes.com? Is that a thing?
Anybody? I don’t want to join a convent. The nuns would not appreciate my jokes. I know they didn’t in Catholic School.
Hey Bill Hader – can ya hook a gal up with a friend that’s just like you?